kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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