theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
