thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
