i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
