The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
