you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
