Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
