God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I will be naked everywhere
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
