before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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