God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
