I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
the raccoons are back...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
