some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
