It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
