Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
