i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
