Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
