Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
