one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
