I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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