There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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