New low: just hacked my moms facebook
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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