my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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