I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
