Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
