Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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