just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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