last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
