he wants to bone in the snuggie
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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