My nipple is on Facebook.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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