Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
