We named our party play list daddy issues
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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