My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
