I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
