Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
