You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
