she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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