I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
