Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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