I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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