are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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