I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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