Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I need a beard to bite.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
