I want to make a zoo with you.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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