no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
