I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
