i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
