I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
