I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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