im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
