i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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