I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
